In response to the peer reviews I've received, there are definitely some things I would have done a bit differently. I would have done a longer conclusion, that better relates to the project as a whole, to tie it up with more finality. I also would have liked to included more information on peasant women, since I pretty much solely focused on women of the upper class. While working on the project, I didn't even realize I was doing this, it was just that the only information I could find was on upper class women. With more extensive research, I might have been able to find more info on peasant women, which would have made for more comprehensive results.
Several of my peer reviewers, pointed out a lack of works cited/bibliography, but I'd just like to make note that I have a works cited page in the side bar. Perhaps I should have made that a bit more prominent on my blog.
I also think I should have focused more on the "why," I got quite hung up on explaining things and including facts. Although I did come to the conclusion that there was a pretty major shift in the position of women in the 8th century, I still don't fully understand why that happened, and think I would have needed to analyze my research in a different way to do so. The next time I work on a project like this, I plan to look at my results in more of a why/how manner, rather than purely factual.
First off, I really like that you gave background before diving into women's roles. For those of us who don't know that much about the setting, it helps. Your writing is really clear and very not boring, and has quite a bit of good information. However, I feel like a bit of the background distracts from the thesis, given that there's sooo much of it. That might be something to change. Your conclusion's excellent and really ties the whole thing together.
ReplyDeleteHanna!
ReplyDeleteYour writing is very clear which is great because I am very tired and it makes all the history-talk come across very nicely. Your writing style, that is. I would have liked a little bit more information on the early shintoism post. Though overall your topic was very informative. Rock on!
(from an email from Gabe Nelson)
ReplyDeleteYour project was amazing, I loved it! Very well structured, lots of specific evidence! In response to the "to what extent has the historian demonstrated the answer to their dq is true" I think that once you described that your dq needed to be changed due to it's not asking the real question, you answered your dq more than enough. It was totally amazing and i wouldn't recommend changing a thing about it, but if you really want constructive criticism i have a few nit picking things:
- include page numbers in parenthetical citations if they're from books
-include a biblio in mla format
-maybe make your conclusion a bit more clear... maybe, because it was really good
Well done Hanna! It looks very organized, and I like how you had background information at the beginning. Your evidence was also well analyzed, and supported your conclusion. It was also very clear, and understandable. If I could suggest anything, it would be to add more images to support your evidence. Well done Hanna!
ReplyDeleteNice job Hanna. This was very informative and I liked the specificity of it, much better than my, let's make a video about Perseus project for this class. This probably sounds a bit trite by now, but I want the perspective of a Japanese peasant woman. Maybe a diary or small journal recounting her day to day struggles. No but really, most entries dealing with the role of women in society focused on noble women, who's stories aren't representative of women's roles, but are quite exceptional to the usual. Maybe that was because that information was unavailable, I don't know. Overall though it was very good! I think you did really well.
ReplyDeleteYour topic was EXTREMELY interesting, wow! I really like how you clear you made it and how detailed you were. My suggestions would be to write a longer conclusion about your findings and cite your sources a little clearer! I really liked this A LOT though, nicely done!!!
ReplyDelete